Texas NOW Blog

1. Why should I call myself a feminist?

Because you probably are one. Public opinion surveys consistently show that the majority of Americans, both men and women, believe in gender equality, believe that the women's movement has improved the lives of women and continues to do so, and/or call themselves feminists.

Those who believe in gender equality should claim the word feminist because there has been such a campaign to smear it. Feminism is about making women's lives better, which I hope women can come together to do. I hope men also claim the word feminist and do feminist work because the rigid gender roles inherent in sexism place just as many strictures on men's lives and behavior as they do on women's, and in neither case is it fair, right, or good.

1a. Can't I call myself an equalist/humanist/etc?

Well, you could. But a) humanist already has a meaning, and this ain't it; and b) in doing so, you've bought into the backlash. What's wrong with 'feminism?' Feminism is what got women the right to vote, the right to an education, the right to work at whatever job you can get, and a million other things. Feminists have worked to make birth control legal and accessible, to get funding for young women's sports programs, to get government support for breast cancer research, to prevent discrimination against queer women (and men), and on and on. Do you realize that before Second Wave feminism, there were almost no rape crisis centers or battered women's shelters? Seriously. Go look up the history of your local center. Now look up the one in the town where your mom lives. Now your sister/cousin/aunt/best friend. Notice they're all about 30 or 40 years old? Those crazy '60s and '70s era feminists are the ones who made them happen.

So yeah. Feminism makes your life safer, healthier, richer, and more free. Are you going to deny that history just because a few people who claim the label say things you disagree with - or because some anti-woman people throw around terms like "feminazi?" I don't. I hope you won't either.

2. But don't you have to... (fill in the blank)... to be a feminist?

a. ...hate men...

No, not at all. We all have fathers, brothers, uncles, friends, etc, that we love. It's not about hating men. You just have to believe that men and women should be treated equally, acknowledge that this is not currently the case, and want to change it.

b. ...be a lesbian...

No. Your sexual orientation can be part of why you identify as a feminist. But now that you bring it up, who has more reason to want to effect positive change in the way men and women relate to each other than women who date men?

c. ...never shave/wear makeup or dresses/look pretty...

No. You can wear anything from taffeta to torn denim. Finding the perfect red lipstick is one of my personal missions. And hell, the last time I saw Gloria Steinem speak, she wore black leather pants and a lot of fabulous silver jewelry. That's not really the point. The point is that you should do what you want with your appearance, and do it to please yourself, not to fit anyone else's idea of "feminine" or "beautiful."

d. ...be angry all the time...

No. I'll be the first to say that I am often angry about the way women are treated. The more I find out, the more pissed I get. For example, according to the United Nations Development Fund for Women, one-third of women worldwide will be beaten, raped, or otherwise abused in her lifetime. One-third. That's a lot. And here in the US, 1.5 million women each year are raped or assaulted by their partners. Another example - even 40 years after the Equal Pay Act became law, the average working woman is paid only about 76 cents for every dollar that a man earns.

So yeah, I'm inclined to say that if you're not angry, you just haven't learned enough yet. But feminism is not about screaming, and if you're pissed off all the time, you burn out. Activism is often most effective when it's inspiring, and when it has a sense of humor. Elayne Boosler and Margaret Cho are feminists - they laugh, and they make us laugh.

e. ...never have any fun...

Hell, no. Working for women's rights is my profession, and I have plenty of fun. I call myself a pro-pleasure feminist, and I'm very serious about it. I believe in chocolate, in pasta and triple cream Brie, in full-bodied red wine, in silk and velvet, in British comedy and bad puns, in kissing for hours if not days, in laughing loud and long, in dancing all night wearing my favorite high heels and a push-up bra. I also believe that no one should assume that because I'm wearing a push-up bra or a short skirt that I'm "asking for it," or that I left my brain at the coat check. Nobody's kicked me out of the movement for any of this.

3. So what do feminists believe, anyway?

Lots of different things. There isn't a checklist. No one's going to give you a test. There are things that some of us disagree about.

But generally we believe in gender equality. We believe in equal pay for equal work; in working to decrease violence against women and girls, and to increase peace between the sexes; in equal access to education, jobs, power, etc.; in women having the right to control their own bodies and their own lives. Most of want to see a world in which the body you're born with places minimal constraints on the choices you can make.

4. Can men be feminists?

Absolutely. There have been some great male feminists in history (big shout-outs to John Stuart Mill and Rainer Maria Rilke, two of my faves), and there are some great male feminists now. This includes everyone from Charlie Smeal, who works at the Feminist Majority, to a guy who called SafePlace one day when I was volunteering, said he'd gone through the batterer's recovery program, understood now what was wrong with his behavior and thinking, and wanted to make a donation to make sure the program would be there to help other men, to my moderate Republican pro-choice dad who worked security at the March for Women's Lives. Any man who works for equality is our ally, and we love having allies. There's room at this party for anyone who wants to play.

5. Don't feminists want to bash men and put women in charge?

No. We want equality. We want justice. If women were more valued than men, that wouldn't be any more just or fair than the anti-woman culture we have now.

Do we criticize some men's behavior? Hell, yeah. We call 'em out when they dis us. Do we bash them? Well, sometimes some of us get mad and go too far. But most of us are criticizing the social structures that keep men in power and the behavior of folks who work to keep those structures in place. I like to say that not every man is my enemy and not every woman is my friend. For instance, I think State Senator Jeff Wentworth, a pro-choice Republican, is fabulous, but I wish we could send Michelle Malkin to a nice feminist therapist. Like I said, it's not your plumbing that counts. It's what you do. If you want to be in this movement, the door's open, honey. Come on in, have a glass of iced tea, and I promise I will put you right to work.